Realization 领悟

Striving to get the things I want is what I will always do. I will make sure I get what I desired. I will work hard, and I will not give up and compromise. Recently, I've been clinging on something for quite some time. I've been trying so hard to get it. But as I strive for it I felt shame for myself. I lied to my family, friends, and myself... I tried to persuade myself that everything will be OK as time goes by. But no, it won't. It just got worsen, and I have totally fallen for it.

Then something happened made me realised my situation. This is not what I wanted in the beginning, I should stop struggling and accept the fact that I should let it go. I won't be happy even though I get what I want, because this doesn't favour God, and God will not bless this. So, I should stop this pointless struggle and focus back on God. 

This is indeed a painful realization... 

From now on, my journal will be more variety, my world will no longer evolve around you, and you are no longer my everything...