怎样的张栋梁

人生没有如果

比如说。。。

在2002年的 ASTRO 新秀大赛中开始注意到张栋梁，不知道是什么原因，他就是能深深的把我吸引着。

还记得2008年栋梁在大马的首场演唱会我在国民服务营里，没办法去，心里非常的沮丧。后来就召集了几位姐妹坐在马路旁望着满天的星星，唱着一首一首张栋梁的歌。

虽然出席过栋梁的几场签名会和现场演出，但这次是我第一次买票入场听音乐会。栋梁说他很重视每场的演出，因为也许这首歌他唱过了几百遍几千遍，可是有人就是第一次听他唱那首歌，就让他看到了不好的演出。听到这句话，我很感动。原来栋梁一直都是那么努力着。

人生没有如果，但如果让我重新选择，我还是会选择听张栋梁的歌，因为他的歌不只是一般的情歌，而是一些可以让我沉淀思考的歌。

只想做个简单的人

却变成了复杂的人

也想做个无求的人

却祈祷着生命丰盛

从微笑王子，变成沉默的王子，现在他又蜕变成了怎样的张栋梁呢？原本想参加电台游戏赢音乐会票。游戏要我们说出我们认识的张栋梁是怎样的张栋梁。我想了很久可是都没有答案。因为我认识的张栋梁只是在舞台上的他，真正的张栋梁说真的我不认识。因为每个人都带着面具见人，当然这也包括了张栋梁。当他说带着面具做人其实也不是什么坏事，带上面具是要来保护自己，只是卸下面具后身边的人是否还能接受你这才是重点。我的身边又有几个是能接受卸下面具后的我的朋友呢？

在这次的音乐会栋梁分享了很多心声，是他一路走来的经历。透过他这次的分享我才认识他是一个怎样的张栋梁。他只不过是想做他喜欢的音乐，不是要跟上什么潮流的音乐风格。他只想做回自己。

放了三年的长假让他思考是否还要回来当歌手，身为歌迷的我相信他一定会回来。因为看得出他非常的享受属于他自己的舞台，一个那么享受舞台的人怎能说走就走。即使只有一个人愿意听他唱歌他都会唱，那他怎么会舍得抛弃一直为他加油的歌迷们。

一工作就会鼻炎发作，一休息就 365 天好天气的栋梁说如果要长命一些应该不能唱太久。他自己也察觉到是自己 psychology 的问题，所以才会选择以轻松简单的方式来表现出最真实的自己。虽然这场音乐会没有太多的花俏，舞蹈，肌肉，但是我很享受，享受听张栋梁在唱歌，听他分享他的生命旅程。栋梁找到了他的方向，而我现在又是怎样的人呢？是否离我最初的梦想越来越远了？

我没有你想象中的伟大

我也会害怕

你知道后会不会惊讶

我其实只想过小日子啊

我最大的梦想就是想过小日子，不过在那之前我必须先拼一拼。在我拼的当时，我希望我的家人可以成为我的后盾，我的避风港。当我累了，受伤了，我可以回家疗伤，充充电，再重新出发。家人对栋梁来说应该也是这样吧，虽然不能常回家，心里既是万分的牵挂，所以在他的作品中一定有家人在其中。

这场音乐会我会打几分？99 分吧。还要一分我要保留。因为我现在看到的张栋梁不是最好的张栋梁，我期待看到更好的张栋梁！

现在就走 不要回头

宁愿漂流 不要腐朽

就算沿途的风景糟透

Realization 领悟

Striving to get the things I want is what I will always do. I will make sure I get what I desired. I will work hard, and I will not give up and compromise. Recently, I've been clinging on something for quite some time. I've been trying so hard to get it. But as I strive for it I felt shame for myself. I lied to my family, friends, and myself... I tried to persuade myself that everything will be OK as time goes by. But no, it won't. It just got worsen, and I have totally fallen for it.

Then something happened made me realised my situation. This is not what I wanted in the beginning, I should stop struggling and accept the fact that I should let it go. I won't be happy even though I get what I want, because this doesn't favour God, and God will not bless this. So, I should stop this pointless struggle and focus back on God. 

This is indeed a painful realization... 

From now on, my journal will be more variety, my world will no longer evolve around you, and you are no longer my everything... 

A Premiѐre Experience

1st of July 2013, my first day of internship, feeling alone, afraid and confuse. Wished to finish my 6 weeks of internship as soon as possible. But then, things seemed to be different as soon as I get to know the kitchen crew. Everything was so new to me. New working environment, new people, new job scope, new experience. Everything was just so premiѐre to me haha...

I begun to enjoy my internship and never get tired of working. It is true that when you enjoy doing something, you will never get tired of it, and you will make sure you will do the best of it. I knew I wasn't good enough in many things, if they really wanted to compare me with the other trainees, but I always make sure I do no mistakes. Thanks for all the teachings, guidance, patience and protection from the kitchen crew. I felt blessed ^^

7th of August 2013, my last day of internship. Time really flies. 6 weeks was just like a blink of eye. For a sudden, I wished I could extend my internship haha... Then I realised, it's not the place or the tasks that have attracted me, but the people I met. The happy moments we shared together and the spirit of unity among the kitchen crew made me felt that we are one big family together, and this really warmed my heart...

23rd of August, this will be my last visit to the kitchen I guess. I wouldn't have the chance to enter the kitchen to see my friends there since I have settled everything in the hotel. I have no reasons to go back after this... If I ever had a chance to go to the hotel, I will be playing a different role --- a guest.

I am glad that they still invite me to their late night gatherings and sports. Really appreciate the kindness ^^ Going back to Kelantan very soon and starts a new semester. I won't be able to meet them for at least 3 months. Gonna miss this bunch of great people. Well, people have to move on and all good things must come to an end. Let's just pray for the best ^^

To Premiѐre Hotel kitchen crew, thank you for everything and you guys are truly the best! Keep in touch ^^

Bila yg tertulis untukku

Adalah yg terbaik untukmu

Kan ku jadikan kau kenangan

Yg terindah dlm hidupku

Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupku

Yg telah terukir abadi

Sbg kenangan ug terindah

SUKAD 2012/2013

Before entering semester 2, I always wanted to participate in SUKAD, play squash for Nurani. But the selection was on Christmas Night and I was extremely busy that day... Missed the selection. Then I happened to ask my senior about the 2nd selection, but I lose. Well, I guess that's my 2nd chance and I just missed it again. OK, just pay attention on my studies then. Deep in my heart, I still wanted to join so badly. 

A few weeks later, my senior asked my whether am I still interested to join as 1 of the member just quit. This was really a great news for me! I said 'YES!' immediately >< Thanked God! Practiced for a few times and it's time to go for the match. I really didn't have much confidence. I just wanted to gain some experience from the game. My standard is way too low, and I really planned to entertain the people over there. 

Finally we have reached Engineering Campus at Nibong Tebal. The court is so small, dirty, hot and smelly! The court in USMKK is soooo much better. However, the new Desa Utama is so cozy! Went to Penang Island and met my dear dear Jing Yee, missed her so much. had a great day with her shopping, eating and watching movie together ^^ Then, I had a great adventure while driving back to Engineering Campus. Imma is truly a brave and adventurous girl! Thanked God we managed to drive back safe and sound without getting lost... phew!

Busy girl who seldom join our gathering... 

The nervous day has finally arrived. Just planned to play our best and in our surprise we made it to the semi-finals! We won Murni, Lembaran and Restu, and we became the champion for our group. Wow! never thought of entering semi-finals hahaha... 

Teammates! 

Tried this special ice blend 花生搅 at lunch. It is really delicious and the smell of the peanut is so strong... Highly recommend to try this if you go to Nibong Tebal/Parit Buntar. 

花生搅

Passed by Perak and went to Kedah for dinner... LOL, we were in 3 states in 1 night hahaha... Had stir-fried porridge for dinner. First time having this, actually quite similar as normal porridge, just the name.

Stir-fried porridge 炒粥

Met a few new friends over there, Agnes' and Ong Ee's friends. All engineering guys and so many jokes we had that night.

When engineers meet health care professionals hahaha

Semi-finals, nervous! Then, unexpected again, we won Bakti Permai and proceed into finals! Woohoo!!! But then our opponent was PETAS. Which means sure loose for us and easy victory for them. Played as the 3rd player with Shu Ying. Had a nice play with her, badminton MASUM player hahahaha... PETAS people are truly nice and friendly. We tried to play our best, no hard feelings, just a friendly match ^^

Me & Shu Ying

Nurani & PETAS ^^

Nurani squash team!

Silver medal! Yay!!!

This SUKAD was indeed a great experience for me. Thanks a lot to my dear teammates - Choi Sine, Imma, Poh Juan and Agnes. This match made me to have more passion for squash XD

为马来西亚的祷告

我的心因耶和华快乐；我的角因耶和华高举。

我的口向仇敌张开；我因耶和华的救恩欢欣，

只有耶和华为圣；除祂以外没有可比的，也没有磐石像我们的身。

人不要夸口说骄傲的话，也不要出狂妄的言语；

因耶和华是大有知识的神，人的行为被祂衡量。

勇士的弓都已折断；跌倒的人以力量束腰。

素来饱足的，反作用人求食；饥饿的，再不饥饿。

耶和华使人死，也使人活，使人下阴间，也使人往上升。

他使人贫穷，也使人富足，使人卑微，也使人高贵。

他从灰尘里抬举贫寒人，从粪堆中提拔穷乏人， 使他们与王子同坐，得着荣耀的座位。

地的柱子属於耶和华；他将世界立在其上。

他必保护圣民的脚步，使恶人在黑暗中寂然不动；人都不能靠力量得胜。

与耶和华争竞的，必被打碎；耶和华必从天上以雷攻击他， 

必审判地极的人，将力量赐与所立的王，高举受膏者的角。

最终掌权的还是耶和华。地上的君王祂赐力量，祂也能把权力收回；因赏赐的是祂，收回的也是祂。只要不断祷告，继续信靠，上帝必定在适当的时机介入马来西亚，扭转乾坤！愿耶和华的国降临，愿耶和华的旨意行在马来西亚如同行在天上！

Pre-courtship ---> Marriage

Last week, the topic for our CF meeting was BGR, and we invited Elder Shirley from Acts Church to share with us. She really knows how to joke and at the same time she made us think of situations that we never thought of. Learnt something new from her, which is 'pre-courtship'.

Pre-courtship is the stage when a guy and a girl are both attracted with each other, but they are unsure whether he/she is the person he/she wants to marry. So, they get into a 3 to 6 months of pre-courtship under their mentors guidance. So, what is this pre-courtship all about? Pre-courtship is when the 2 people spend most of their time together talking about their vision in life, passion for the ministry of God, faith levels, etc,.. in public and bright places. It is totally different with 'dating'. Pre-courtship makes you to understand yourself and the person you are attracted to more by having these serious topics discussed. It makes sure that you know both of you are on the same track before you move on together. Unlike dating, it started off with the serious part, if everything goes well then the 2 people are ready to be attached.

Never think of pre-courtship before, where you leave the romance part after the serious part. Normally, romance comes into the picture first then other things come in. When romance comes first, then sometimes you will find that he/she is not the one, and the relationship comes to an end. But if you do it the other way round, then the relationship is much more stable and guaranteed. It is hard for 2 people with different visions and thoughts to live together. There must be disagreements and quarrels.

So, it's important to find a partner that share the same vision as you as he/she will be your lifelong partner. He/she will be the one that will hold your hands tightly and walk through all the difficulties in life; he/she will be the one that will wipe away your tears and tell you "although the whole world don't understand you, I will always do"; he/she will be the one you share all your happiness with; he/she will be the one that will love you more than anything.

Well, had a precious lesson on BGR this week. It really makes me think more deeply and seriously about courtship.

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

- Genesis 2:18

2013 New Year Resolution

1. Loss weight!!!! (Ideal weight 50-55kg) = Exercise for at least 3 days a week

2. Get rid of dark circles and eye bags = Sleep early, possibly before 12am

3. Improve in academic grades = More hardworking and better time management

4. Better relationship with God = Serve Him more

5. Better relationship with friends and family (have a boyfriend? hahaha) = Be more helpful, caring and understanding

6. Buy a DSLR camera

7. Travel overseas

I think that's all. Let's see how much I can accomplish by 31st December 2013 haha

Recalling the past, Looking into the future 回顾过去，展望未来

你是我的主引我走正义路

高山或低谷都是你在保护

万人中唯独你爱我认识我

永远不变的应许这一生都是祝福

一步又一步这是恩典之路

你爱你手将我紧紧抓住

一步又一步这是盼望之路

你爱你手牵引我走这人生路

2012年对我来说不是一个顺利的年头。在这一年里我经历了不少的磨练。无论是在学业上，在家庭方面，在大学里，或在信仰上，都饱受上帝的考验。不过，感谢天父，无论我的路有多艰苦，祂都对我不离不弃；无论我的路有多么难走这些路都是恩典之路，因为我知道祂必定会紧紧抓住我的手。祂的信实值得我在患难时称颂祂荣耀的名，在喜乐时唱歌赞美祂。人生本来就该有起有落，就像一首歌，有高音低音，这样的歌才会好听。平淡的生活未免太过单调了，一帆风顺的生活也会让人觉得一切都是理所当然的。感谢天父你让我能经历这么多，让我的生活更多姿多彩，更有意义。

在即将来临的2013年，也许我会遇到更大的考验，但我并不惧怕，我深信天父必定看顾我，因为我比飞鸟贵重得多了 ^^

马太福音6:26 - 你们看天上的飞鸟，也不种，也不收，也不积蓄在仓里，你们的天父尚且养活它。你们不比飞鸟贵重得多吗？ 

The year 2012 is a tough year for me. I walked through many circumstances of life, including my studies, family, uni life and also my faith in God. However, I thanked God for being faithful to me. He stood by my side no matter how bad the road is in front of me, and His faithfulness made me praise Him in time of sorrows and worship Him in times of joy. Although my days are full of tests and trials, all these days are of graceful days, as I know God will hold me tight and close to Him as He has promised in the Bible. Life is like song, it has its ups and downs, and it carries us on. A dull life is too boring, and we will think that everything is of natural when everything goes smoothly. I thanked God for letting me go through all these, they had made my life more colorful and meaningful.

I might be facing more challenges in the coming year 2013, but I am not afraid, I truly believed that God will guide me through as I am more precious than than the birds ^^

Matthew 6:26 - Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?